Bitchcraft... Flying around in the fog.

09/08/05 - Tuesday
NP: Blind Guardian – ‘Lord Of The Rings’
Title: Bitchcraft

Hya, how are ya? I’m fine , thanks… just about to explode!

This job is a joke, serious! It’s a 30-people office divided into 3 departments: Sales, Administrative and Project (apart from the IT/Design one, which is made by freelancers). I’m supposed to be in the most fun of them all, but not really. I’m beginning to notice some traces of… bitchcraft.

Because there are 3 departments, we have 3 bosses; they are partners and evil! I’ve already had 3 bosses once, but that was a pure/genuine Architecture office, therefore the 3 of the bosses were architects. Annoying ones, but good!

So back to the nowadays office;1 boss who’s graduated in Economic Sciences, 1 boss who’s an engineer and 1 who’s an architect (the only woman of the 3). The architect is abusively annoying, mad all the time, pissed off (at her own self, I bet!) and cynical! But she’s the boss I respond to (the other 2 are just abusively stupid!).

I wouldn’t mind so much if they were peaceful people, minding their own business (LITERALLY!), but it’s as if they’re here to fight. Well, I should introduce some Manowar to them: people who fight for no reason and always ‘rape’ and kill girls in the end (that would be 1 boss less, since the architect is a woman! And don’t you worry about me; as although I’m a girl, I’m the witch of the story and would definitely be the one to ‘rape’ those idiots myself! – It can be proved by the fact I’d be the one to introduce them to Manowar. =P).

Anyway… they fight, how they fight! Among them, with us, alone… It’s as if they need to show off. One screams because he needs to make more money, so they need projects ready for yesterday (as if they knew how to project, or the time needed for such a task), the other thinks that a lighting project consists of little circles distributed along a floor plan (WTF?), and the architect, supposedly the one who understands a bit more of the entire process, thinks that computers came to improve archi drawings and they’re here to make those faster than hand made drawings – which is true, but doesn’t mean it speeds up the time in 100%. She’s from that time anyway; btw, she doesn’t know how to draw on the computer, therefore has no idea how long it takes.

Philosophically speaking, I face this job as the ‘one ring’; only reversed. It shines so bright and when we’re part of it we want out, and not power as in the story (and no, we don’t get invisible!).

All of us want out; it’s depressing. Remember Camila, one of the girls from work I talked about a while ago here in the blog? She’s leaving this shit in a month! Her bf made her do so, as she cries everyday because of a project she’s practically in charge of alone! My boss is the one who should be in charge of all projects, but apparently her Mercedes, her hair and her Victor Hugo bag are more important than that. C’mon, nobody can take over 3 buildings alone… right? We’re 9 architects in the department, each with her own projects, but we could postpone ours and help Camila out. I just don’t understand why my boss can’t handle it, as Camila IS at least trying to.

Gosh, I pity her! She’s projecting a whole building lot for a well known Italian factory and no one should do that alone. That’s frightening, to say the least. All the details, different techniques, observations… and when you’re done, all the changes, pff!!! I hate my boss… she should never allow such thing.

‘There are signs on the ring, which make me feel so down. There's one to enslave all rings, to find them all in time… and drive them into darkness, forever they'll be bound. Three for the Kings of the elves high in light, nine to the mortal which cry…’
The one thing that comes to my mind when I wake up in the morning and think of this job is: Bitchcraft.

I’ve no idea what I’m doing here, but I might be some serious case of madness. And there’s no way we could ever play with this sort of madness… Mind you, it’s Bitchcraft. =(



11/08/05 – Thursday
NP: Lande+Allen – ‘Silent rage’ (WHAT A KICKASS ALBUM!!! What a kickass song, and a kickass singer! Perfection!!!) – ‘Don’t walk away, you need to staayaaaay! The silent rage won’t be silent, silent no more!!!’
Title: Flying around in the fog…

Hiiii aaalllll!!! How are you? =D I’m mega fine and happy, thanks!

I think I’m a bastardess. I talk too much, I shouldn’t do that. On my last post I was swearing on and cursing my boss, but I wanna state that I was cursing THE BOSS (who’s still a bitch), not the human being she is.

Well, she’s complicated, but she’s a good person. Vain, futile and serious, but nice. On the same day of my last post she came to me and asked me to stop that project about the acad blocks and help her with something more important.

She had to go to one of our clients (a chemical factory which has factories all over the country) and asked me to go with her to help measure the furniture and the building. It was a one-day work, so I said ‘sure’. Didn’t know what was about to happen.

The factory we visited this time is in Curitiba, south of Brazil, so we had to go by plane. Because it’s in the south and because it’s winter, we found ourselves in a cold 8°C day.

How I loved it! Perfect day, even if totally focused on work and with my boss beside me. 8°C, blue day, nice and beautiful people and Ana with a HUGE smile on her face.

And the fog… awww! Here’s the deal: if my astral map was right and I never move to Europe for good, I’ll move to Curitiba. And mind you, I didn’t even have the chance to see the city, only the industrial area of it. And I loved it!
Fog at first, 8°C of happiness, lots of clothes and travelling by plane. Awful food, but nothing’s perfect (and the food is the same for all of their factories – so I’ll blame it on this damn 3rd sector =P). Such nice and warming people! I felt like hugging them all (aye, still in hugging mood!); and such beautiful people. The huge majority descends of Italians and Germans, so I felt like I was abroad.

And the trees… Araucaria is definitely one of my fave trees. It denotes the cold weather. And they were going mad with such crazy wind. Awesome!
Amazing how the trees create a completely different landscape and atmosphere. Even more amazing how people do notice that.
I had a happy and wonderful day. And I must say that, always and over again, I love flying. How it cheers me up to see the world from above. It’s as if I’m too tiny, but I’m watching even more tiny things form a different angle. It must rule to be a God and live in Heaven. And Mike? I totally get and support your love for gliding. Wish I could fly more often.

So when we landed backi on Sampa, with all that work done, my boss asked me if I could take over this project (just drawings and project, not taking over the construction alone like Camila =P). After such a great day, all I could say was “It’ll be my pleasure =)”.

*hope I need to check some measures and go back there at some point. ^^*

NOW…

…For the first time in this blog, I’ll post a poem/reflection I wrote… landscapes impulse me to do them and sometimes I should just shout them to the wind. As the blog description says: “Sometimes I want out. Sometimes I just want to scream. So this is the place where I'm able to howl and dream.” In advance I’d like to apologise for any stupid mistakes… but hey, let’s focus on the inspiration, shall we? =D

“Out in the morning. The cold hits me on the flesh. Clothes, many of them… all for precaution. In case I stay, in case I go.
Blue, changes to white, that changes to grey… the fog. How I needed it. I need it.

I land on a land of different trees. Beautiful, tall, roaming leaves… not prettier than the ones I know, not uglier… just different. Green pompoms dancing in the air to the sound of 8. And those hit me on the bones. How I needed it. I need it.

Rush, pain, my feet awake. My head wonders, my feet wanders. And it aches… Timeless, love and passion, all in a day. Confusion, sickness, beauty… not a single thing in vain.

The rest, the quick chill out comes to my soul and again it goes up to the sky. Blue, changing to dark blue, that changes to lights… little sparks in the dark of so many colours… And they shine sweet as if tiny stars in a sequence of nonsense… and yet bright.

Colours change to red and white and they fight to survive. The mess of red, the mess of white… and they need a chance.

They struggle to survive; between blocks and dark, and refuse to dissipate… they resist and remain, red beside white. Different ways, opposite directions, side by side.

And the blue of the day, that was never in vain, now is all gone… with the white, the grey, the red and the lights. Now all that remains is darkness, tiredness, pain… and a smile to walk with me across the night.”

Aww...

Now Playing: Savatage – Edge of Thorns
Dedication to Edu: Iron Maiden – Wasted Years


Hi all. ^^

I must say I’m quite happy today… or I should, if it wasn’t for this stupid headache. =/ But so far, so great!

I should congratulate one of the cutest couples ever: Eduardo and Gisele. Those two are dating for about 9 years and they just got engaged, ehhhhhh!!! =D

Edu was always the calm and thoughtful kind of guy. Very reserved, very patient and can be very annoying at times! =P (weeeell, I consider him my bigger brother, so, yep, I have the right to find him annoying! ^^). Due to his way of thinking and behaving, the wedding date was also already settled for October 1st! =D

Edu and I studied together at school, but never at the same class. We’ve probably met because of Metallica (when I brought my “live shit: binge and purge” box to class and made him drool =P), and because of music we became best friends. We finished school and he soon started uni – graphic design. After one year I entered the same university and we were always taken as brother and sister (especially because my mom used to take us to uni and we were always together).

Well, it means a lot to me to see this guy get married. He’s my best male friend, he’s always there when I need him, he’s one of the best guitar players I know, he’s sweet, caring, cute, a hell of a mean and stupid bastard who does really stupid things when he wants, but cool enough to call me in the afternoon just to play “wasted years” to cheer me up because he knows I love it. =)

All those hours of musical phone calls (and our moms bellyaching about it, cause we would never hang up! =P), the Friday night Chinese food (and the getting sick afterwards ^^). I’ll miss the movies on Saturday nights, going to uni together, rehearsals with Kivon, hugs for passing the year in school, watching design classes together, rides back home, going to gigs…

I’ll just miss so much, and yet there’s so much to remember Edu by… Savatage + Edge of Thorns + Chris Oliva and crying when watching the show, Angra + Aeroanta + Kiko Loureiro, Edu Ardanuy + Ivan Busic + Dr. Sin, Spice Girls (hehehe, damn Mel C. =P), Bethoven’s My Immortal Beloved, brit pop + Bittersweet Symphony, Kivon + Fernando + Edinho + War of Souls, Dream Theater (hehehehe, and being thrown off the cue for trickily trying to join it in the middle of it during Mike Portnoy’s workshop – we still think Edu had his long hair cut not to be recognized after that! =D), Expo Music, Chinese food + damn pork!, Dragon Heart + movies, Pantera, Stratovarius, Metallica, Iron Maiden + Wasted Years, Elegy + Spirits, Vanessa Carlton + A 1000 miles…, battles + castles + middle age, progressive metal, Manowar, Alicia Keys + the piano, Belas Artes + Fabio + Ricardo + Erico + Jefferson + Steven (William Barkenmeyer, and his brother Mario! ^^), Regina Mundi, Porta do Sol + Bee Gees + ‘Aviação’ butter with toast + mountains + swimming pool, Festa das Nações, long brown curled hair, green eyes, ASCENDENT IN TAURUS (pff !!!), rescuing young and cute girls from their first day at uni with evil guys by saying ‘Let’s?’, red guitar + extra cleaning the chords after it (boy, how annoying!), Pointer + walking reeeeeeally slowly over street slopes, Schrek, Garfield, Tiny Toons, Popular + Sam (=P), Jaws + the very annoying soundtrack!, Zack Steven + Zakk Wyld, England +coming back with a fake nose piercing at the airport + princess Diana’s death on a Saturday morning of uni, not lending cds (totally explained and understood by the ‘Taurus’ issue above ^^), Al Patinho, no babies + no pets, orange Kuat, September 29th + October 1st, recording music collection on tapes, Galeria do Rock, Xuxa, Malmsteen + pick, winter + Finland, Sampa + Carrefour + Plaza Sul + Cursino + Saúde, underground trains, striptease (BASTARD!), tickets for shows + pics, “I hope you die!”, “Can’t tell ya, or I’ll have to kill ya!”, Warner channel + Friends + Animaniacs… my dearest Warner Brother.

Pff, at work and with tears in my eyes. All I can say is I wish you two all the best and most wonderful of life; you deserve it! It took so long and now it’s all happening! FINALLY, you lazy bastard!!! =P

I’ve seen this love start, grow and consolidate, and I wanna thank you for letting me be part of your life and see it all happen.

This was just a post to remind us both of the importance of this friendship. Just don’t forget I’ll always be here (or in Europe! But I’ll give you the address. ^^), and that you’ll always be with me in my heart, wherever I go. =)

Truly love you, boy. Now go and be happy! =) *HUGS*

19...

NP: NO-THING (Nar, Nightwish – End of all Hope)


Heys... hm, how are you? =D I’m fine, thankie! ^^

First of all I wanna wish a happy Wacken to whoever is going there. Aw, Nightwish, Edguy, Sonata Arctica, Sentenced... I wanna die so envious I am! Especially because of Sentenced’s last tour ever! =( Hehehe, I hope they don’t suicide on stage as David thinks so. =D=P Well, happy Wacken, people! Enjoy for me too, oki?! =)

Yesterday I tested a really great and functional program to catalogue albums and music files. It’s wonderful and quite complete. You can add nearly every kind of info that comes in an album: from basic things like the name of the band, album, tracks and release date, to complex things such as lyrics, composer, country, length of the tracks and so on. And even more wonderful: you don’t have to get each of your albums to write all that; it downloads info straight from the internet. You gotta love this sort of “immediatism”. =P

My job is becoming such a lazy thing... Since the beginning of this week I’ve been on hold for some information I need for the blocks. Without that I cannot go ahead with this project. It’s Wednesday already and I’m still waiting for this info. =(

So I’ve been killing my time by exchanging e-mails with a few people, such as G from work. Tell me why I always find younger guys so exciting? What’s with those people (or me, hehe)? Why do they seem to be so intelligent, sweet, cute, young and with so much love to give? =P

I’ve noticed that I always fell in love with 19 year old guys. It’s quite annoying, as I should be falling for at least 10 year older guys. So when I was 17 I fell in love with a 19 year old guy. Guitar player of a countryside band; Raphael, so cute! It was just a summer thing between us, but sweet.

Then when I was 19 I fell for my ex, who was also 19! We dated for about 4 years, it meant a lot to me, when we broke up I got really upset (for 2 loooooong years...) and now I feel completely free from any feelings for him. We’re good friends nowadays and I hope to remain like that forever. =)

When Fabio, the mad designer, and I broke up I was already falling for Matheus, another 19 year old guy from my job at that time. I guess my courage to break up with Fabio came from Matheus and his independent way of life. He was 19, working class boy, already had his own car, earned good money (IT department) and was so independent it enticed me. He got all that with his own effort and determination – how exciting!!! I was 23 when that happened and even I wasn’t that independent. =S. Anyway, nothing happened between us, we were good friends. ^^

When I started posting on the forums I met David, and although he’s still younger than 19 (WHO WOULD EVER NOTICE THAT???), there’s not a single woman who wouldn’t fall for such a sweet. The girls in the forums (the ones I know, that is) and I always talk about how grown up for his age he is. I didn’t fall in love with him, but I do take him as someone who’s out of his place and time. He’s just too good to be true and will always have a special place in my heart. =) (D., you know I love ya! =-* *hugs*).

So here I am today, on the top of Mount Fudge (euhhh, I wish!! I meant 27 year of age! =P), falling (or kinda finding it cute) for a 19 year old boy. He’s a BOY, dammit (oki, better than being a girl!..... Oki, that was lousy =P). But, damn, he’s cute! Leo sign; he’s quiet and has a nice smile, but once he starts talking he seems to grow so big and his words get so wise! =O Okay, it’s not thaaaaat much, but he’s definitely a Brazilian David! He’s just so huggable! ^^ Not as huggable as the Hug God himself, but huggable still. ^^ Blonde, green eyes, has recently cut his nice long hair and... works at the IT department! *WTF???* He’s also a designer and, really, why the hell do I have to be so keen on these people? Okay, it’s not like I’m in love with him, but he’ll also have a special place in my heart. ^^

Anywayyyyyy... Ness? Totally agree with your comment on my last post and things do happen at the exact time they should, or we wouldn’t be ready for them if they came before or after they should. Euh, just wanted to comment your comment. =D Love ya, Mu-who girl! =-* take care, miss you and STOP SHOPPING! =P

Take care you all, and see you soon! =)
*happy silly Ana*

*MEGA HUGE PACK OF POSTS*

22/07/05 – Friday
Title: Miscellaneous

Goodness! I’ll sleep over the keyboard again!!! It’s not fair the way we treat food (as if they were anxiety killers), so I guess it’s not fair the way food treats us (as if we ate so much we should die, or something like that!).

I guess I ate too much today, and there’s no excuse. Nar, kidding… the excuse is there was crèpe for lunch and it was delicious! =)

The diet was once again down the drain, but I’m creating a whole plan to change this laziness state of mine (at least to what concerns food and dieting =P).

I have excellent news though: I’m not in love with Tutu anymore and this time I really mean it! I still believe he’s a super great musician, writes wonderful lyrics and he’s damn too sexy, but that’s it. I also think he should have a twin brother or a clone, but I don’t want the original Tutu anymore. In fact, I don’t even care if he’s married with 15 kids! =D Yep, I’m over him and I agreed to be just friends with him from now on! =P

Now I need a new victim! =P By the way, I think I was wrong all my life. I think I prefer blond guys to dark haired ones! =O Yes, I know, I’m also astonished! =O That means I’ll have to move to one of the Nordic countries… or get really lucky and find a cute blond around in Sampa. =P (I still prefer the first option…).

Apart from Tutu-news, things are fine. I’ve been sleeping real bad and I’ve been very tired, but I hope to survive. ^^

Now the bad (or ‘haven’t decided yet’) news: my country is falling apart and I bet that president will be “invited” to leave the government. I find it great, as he’s an idiot and should’ve never got so high. I truly hate him and I hope he and his entire party go to hell for making us all fools!

They’ve been robbing all of our money and depositing it in their private bank accounts, to cut a long story short. Sons of bitches, or what? I say burn them alive along with all the other bastards in this world!!! In fact I’d burn them myself. I guess I’m just sick of it all and I want out… either me or them! Anyway…

Ohhhh, have you seen they found a new planet orbiting in another system which has 3 suns? =O One is as intense as ours on Earth, the 2 remaining ones are just for, euh, decorative purposes (=P), and one is yellow and the other is orange! =D Cool, hey? No, not cool! I don’t like intense suns… =( Actually I wanna be alive to see the day when they’ll find a planet that only has rain or snow! Then I’ll move there and be happy! ^^

Okay, bitter girl here, so see ya people later! =P
Some old and (now) nonsense messages to some of you:
PS1: Mega great luck to Mike, who has a gliding competition this week. *lucky hugs* :-* (btw, it was last week and he did quite well in it! Congrats, flying friend! :-* ^^)
PS2: Happy Birthday to my dear Hungarian godmother Andiiiii! Love ya, mom! :-*
PS3: Happy Friend’s Day, everyone! It was a couple of days ago, but my sentiments are still the same. ^^


25/07/05 – Monday
Title: Bad mood strikes again…

Heys, how goes? I feel horrible today.

I went to bed real early last night, I was sleepy and yet I couldn’t sleep. Watched a movie on TV, the movie finished and I was still awake. After ages I did fall asleep and then had one of those annoying spirit nightmares I usually have. =( All I can remember is that I was at my granny’s house and when I was going to bed I felt a ‘presence’ in it. I saw a person under the covers and asked ‘who the hell are you?’ and the person took the covers off her face and answered me: ‘Pff, I’m you!!!’ =S=S=S. So I replied ‘Wtf?’ And that scared the hell out of me. =( I couldn’t go back to sleep after that and didn’t even dare to look in the dark – the last thing I wanted was to find another me. =S

Fell asleep again, dreamt something stupid again and woke up, this time at 2:30. =/ It was so damn hot! I opened the window, took off my socks, even changed clothes, took one of the blankets off and visited the loo. I only had 2 sips of water in my glass, but since I was still afraid of the other me, I refused to go to the kitchen to refill it, so I drank water from the bathroom’s sink instead! =(

It was so hot I couldn’t sleep. Turned on the TV and my luck was that Friends was on. Watched the entire episode and still couldn’t sleep after that. It was probably around 4am when I managed to sleep again, and it seemed to be 15 minutes till my stupid alarm clock rang. I just couldn’t stand up, so sleepy I was. Soon I noticed my dad taking me out of my bed and ‘throwing me’ inside of the bathroom for a shower. Pff…

Took my shower, had breakfast and my dad told me he was going to use my car, so he’d give me a ride to and from work. We got a major traffic jam and all this made my head almost explode. I’m in a terribly bad mood, and all I want is my bed and some will to fall asleep to wake up tomorrow again. =(


28/07/05 – Thursday
Title: Johnny Depp and his wonderful way of acting… and making me believe in it! ^^

Ana, the architect, is quite angry at the moment. 1096 blocks ready and about 300 of them are completely wrong! Just found out about it.

My diet was doing OK till today, but when I found out about this block thingy I almost cried, asked my job to fuck off, cursed my bosses and this stupid system I have to follow at work and went out to hunt for a huge chocolate bar!!! Ate almost the entire thing and I DON’T CAREEEEEEEE!!!

Anyway… went to see Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory yesterday and I loved it!!! Johnny Depp is definitely backi at my n.01 fave actor! He’s wonderful and I wish I could live in that factory with him… but not with that stupid gay hair! I need him to be like in Gilbert Grape. ^^ Aww, that’s it! I want a clone of Johnny Depp. =D

Oki, too much nonsense for a day, so I’ll just end this post right here. ^^
See ya, all! =-*


01/08/05 – Monday
Title: Life… trick or treat?
NP: Thunderstone – ‘Until We Touch The Burning Sun’

Today the Celtics celebrate Lughnasadh (or Lammas), a festival dedicated to the harvest. It has this name because of Lugh, one of the chief gods of the Tuatha De Danann. It’s a nice festival and matches perfect with Leo sign. It’s all red, orange and hot, as the sign would like. (If you like to read more about it: http://www.celticspirit.org/lughnasadh.htm - http://thunder.prohosting.com/~cbarstow/lammas.html - We can definitely find some really good stuff in internet =P).

Didn’t realize the song above till now. It perfectly matches. =)

If there’s a ritual to celebrate this day, it’s celebrated with a lot of hot colours, fire, inspiration and passion. I love it! =) Despite the heat, of course. =P

Okay, this is a happy day for a couple of reasons:
- new day, new week, new month;
- new life: walking the treadmill for 30 minutes every day in the morning before work;
- more fun and less naps;
- more books and less computer;
- more friends and less enemies;
- more enthusiasm and less boredom;
- more health and less junkie food;
- more life, less fairy tales.

Today I understood what life’s about. I don’t know why it happened today, but I might owe the weather for this one. It’s hot for winter (maybe it’s Lughnasadh playing tricks ^^) and yet I’m fine and sneezing! =)

So life… until yesterday I was wondering if it was trick or treat. Today I know it’s both! Tricky, as it makes you make mistakes and learn. It does treat you fine too, otherwise you’d do like kittens, after being tricked all of the times, and quit playing.

Remember the other day when I was complaining about ‘the occult’ arts & crafts of mine and how disappointing they can be? Today I look at them and think to myself: ‘Whatever! I’ll never know if I don’t try, and even if things don’t come out the way I want to, I’ll learn from my mistakes’.

There’s no right or wrong, no black and white and no light and shadow. There’s only YES and NO. Either you go for it (no matter what happens), or you stay and wait for things to fall over your lap. Move yourself, make life happen and have high hopes. If you fall, stand up and continue. Don’t be afraid to stumble and break a leg, or you’ll never understand the real meaning of life, which is to go for it!

Whatever the results are, just try it or you’ll forever regret waiting for what comes next, and it’s not about what comes next… it’s about RIGHT NOW!

"I'm watching through the frozen window
Through the reflection of my face
There's a cold world out there
And I'm here, safe, and deceitfully fine...

This is my world
My haven, my home, where I can be alone
Only hear and see
Hear and see things that really matter to me

When I open the door and look upon the haze
I can see a million eyes and the way they're gazing at me

Walking through the misery
Surrounded by the things that I don't want to see

I can feel the hopeless pain,and it's driving me insane
And today I'll make a promise
Just to break it by tomorrow

We will never learn
We will never turn
Our eyes to the world
Where the pain is reality

We will never see
We'll never believe
Until we touch the burning sun

I feel the breeze
The breeze that makes me realize that I am not alone
I'm here, I'm home and safe again
Behind the doors, locked inside
Never want to leave again"



... because there is hope.