The Taurean Stubbornness (not stubborn Ness =P)

NP: Frank Sinatra+Bono Vox - I've Got You Under My Skin


Hi all.

I’m down. I’m not in the mood for writing, talking, working, anything. I think I’m depressed as all I wanna do is put myself under the blankets and hide from the world as if it was a huge pink-zombie-spider-scorpion-shark-snake monster!

I’d have a few problems if I did so though: the monster wouldn’t go away (or change colour!), I wouldn’t earn money, my brain would start to minimize, my body would start to hurt and I’d be hot, as it’s summer here. So I take hiding isn’t the solution.

If I stay like I am, not in the mood for anything, I’ll probably die very soon, as it’s unbearable and starting to get physical. I’m starting to hate most of the things I do. I’m starting to see people’s and my own flaws, and I’m not afraid to tell them (or myself) so.

Serious, I’d like to apologise to people as I’m starting to speak my heart out. I can’t control it, I’m sorry. On the other hand I feel good about it so I won’t change it. I just would like to apologise in advance (or late enough). I guess we all should be able to face some truth from times to times though.

Halloween did its trick. I’m getting all I asked for and I never thought it would be so painful, but it is. However, it pays off. It’s always worth saying, though, once again: be careful what you wish for, for it might come true.

So being a taurean doesn’t help much in times like this, as I get so anxious that I have to eat to relieve my pain. So there must be something wrong as I’m not eating, I don’t even miss food, I don’t even feel hungry (and I’m on a diet!). I could go for a chocolate, though; it wouldn’t hurt… more than this.

Being a taurean also means to be stubborn. And I am! But I’ve been learning how to face things and people, and I’m becoming more flexible. That is considered by myself as practically a miracle.

For the very first time in my life I’m letting things happen. I’m not trying to force anything anymore. I don’t have, or wish to have, the strength. I’m actually done.

Behold the flexible taurean! Behold the moment and its tricks. Let’s save a moment to look up to the sky and see the clouds and stars move without thinking for once that it happens because of us. It happens FOR us. We don’t have the right to think it’s because of us; it would be arrogant. And we do not have the right to curse, only to try to change.

And right now I’ll shush for a while, as I need to gather all my strength (or what’s left of it) to build up the energy enough to change. Changing is good, so here I go.

Expect a new Ana; expect life after death and expect new everything. I’m moving ahead and I’m leaving things behind. If I don’t talk about/to, if I don’t use it or feel it anymore, it’s because that was worn out. And I’m not afraid of what’s next.

Bring on the new Ana. And wash away the poison.



"I have got you under my skin
I've got you deep in the heart of me
So deep in my heart
You're nearly a part of me
I've got you under my skin

I have tried so not to give in
I have said to myself this affair
Never gonna go somewhere
But why should I try to resist
When baby I know so well
That I've got you under my skin

I would sacrafice anything
Come what might
For the sake of holding you near
In spite of a warning voice
That comes in the night
It repeats and it shouts in my ear

Don't you know blue-eyes
You never can win
Use your mentality
Wake up to reality

But each time I do
Just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin 'cause
I've got you under my skin

I'd sacrafice anything
Come what might
For the sake of having you near
In spite of a warning voice
That comes in the night
It repeats and it shouts in my ear

Don't you know you old fool
You never can win
Use your mentality
Wake up to reality

But each time that I do
Just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin 'cause
I've got you under my skin

And I love you (when you're) under my skin"