It's the wind of change.

NP: Pink Floyd – High Hopes


Hi all. It took ages, but I’ve decided it was about time I came backi and let you know what I think. Because I think too much. All the time. It even hurts sometimes… it’s as if pain comes before the fall. But I decided to post, and here I am! Various posts again…


11/10/05 – Tuesday
Title: Useless… (written at work, in a really bad mood, after realizing there’s no reason to be here, and yet there are so many)
NP: Megadeth - A Secret Place

I’ve realized nothing so far. Don’t know how to listen to my instincts and don’t know how to follow them.

Don’t know if they’re right and, although life’s made of choices, I don’t know how to fully enjoy any kind of result.

Don’t know exactly how to put this, but I’m seriously damaged. I’ve been trying to find my way back to myself, but it’s as if my soul is running faster than my thoughts.

All I seek, all I choose, all I find, all I want… useless… worthless… all is gone.

There’s no time, no money, no will, no interest at all. It’s all faded and falling…

… because the world is not a nice place. Because people are not nice. Because life isn’t easy.

Maybe because there’s no hope; maybe because there’s no strength.

Maybe because I don’t want to know the truth. Or maybe because I don’t wanna face it as it is. Maybe because I’m a coward… maybe because it’s just useless!



All of the sudden I got all angry and I’m trying to find a way out of this. Weird, as when I got back home all I got was a song by Megadeth called ‘A Secret Place’ that Mike sent to me. And it fits so well…


“There's a secret place I like to go
Everyone is there but their face don't show
If you get inside you can't get out
There's no coming back, I hear them shout

Welcome to my hide away, my secret place
How I arrived I can't explain
You're welcome to, if you want to stay
But everyone just runs away

Let me in, get me out
Can't do more than twist and shout
Lost my soul without a trace
Found it again in my secret place In disgrace

I hide from those that try to find me
Scary things that's right behind me
I lost myself, I must confess
I can't explain how I got this mess”



13/10/05 – Thursday
Title: Thinking… (written at work, after being touched by the energy of a Rock’n Roll concert. They bring me back life, and I’m thankful. My energy has finally returned… - but it required 2 gigs of bands like Megadeth, Apocalyptica, Tuatha de Danann, Dr. Sin, The 69 Eyes, Rage, Shaaman, Nightwish and Scorpions IN A ROW!! I was possessed before that, but now my spirit is flying free again…)
NP A): Evergrey – Recreation Day
NP B): Nightwish – Slaying the Dreamer
NP C): Pink Floyd – High Hopes

A) Wonderful to see how things do mix. There’s never just one side of the story. There’s never one reason why and there’s never plain good or plain bad. There’s always an end and a new beginning. A brand new start, the recreation of your own self, of your own world… own mind and thoughts.

Live’n Louder, October 12th and a girl walks around with a black t-shirt that reads ‘DEATH’. That called my attention and soon my airy mind was linking the present to the word, the colour, the mood, the show, the moment…

Flaming people pass by, the burning sun was cruel to everyone. We aimed for shadow and all we got was thirst.

The day passes by, the moment changes and I spot a bloke in the middle of the black crowd wearing a white t-shirt that reads ‘LIFE’…

… because the dichotomy is all around. Because the word changes, because the present has gone, because the colour gets brighter, because the mood switches to good, because the show, the moment, even people, change. And the airy mind goes back to thinking.

B) It’s weird to notice people’s minds at work. Tough job to understand mankind. One gets upset, writes a song about it, curses, begs for forgiveness, says what he wants and this way he believes he has redeemed himself for his mistakes.

The moment goes away, past is now gone and the feelings go round and round, back and forth.

The words remain, but he no longer desires the same. Because the needs change. Because now he, and all of us, aim higher. Because the past has changed who we were.

But the words remain and bring us back feelings. Because he wrote the song and somehow he wanted the words to last forever, as if the feeling would never change. As if he would never change.
And I watch it from afar, just trying to understand what he feels like when he plays that song he wrote so long ago, after so many changes…

And that moment made me wonder… and my airy mind goes back to thinking.

C) Don’t give up your dreams; don’t surrender to whatever is against what you want; don’t listen to the negative people; don’t fall, but if you do stand up and continue; don’t let anything or anyone interfere in your decisions, because a dream is a dream, whichever it is and you shouldn’t give’em up. Because they matter… even if only for you.

Life’s a tough state of mind. You don’t BELONG here, you just ARE here for now. Remember to enjoy it when you’re on top, for next step is to go back down. But while you’re up there, remember those dreams, and even if they seem blurry now, you did have a reason to fight for them and get up there.

The truth is: even if your dreams seem blurry and you don’t even remember why they’re still there, that’s ok. Someone, somewhere, something will always remind you what made you fight for them.

And my airy mind goes back to thinking… it’s worth it!


PS: The last song goes to you, Ness, more than to higher hopes for the future. Not because it’s gone, but because it goes and always comes back. It’s the power to recreate our lives that keeps us up, and not the life itself. It’s the energy we have within that counts, and not the one we’ve already wasted trying. And they recycle. And that’s why they always come back. You’ll be fine.


*WORTH POSTING FOR A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF THE TEXT*

Evergrey – Recreation Day

One step at the time
Small progress seems futile
But is as valuable as life

I'm engaged to longing
With sorrow as the ring
Controlling me, denying me

My every mourning is in every way
The beginning of a recreation day

Time heals, but still the mourning reigns
I still breath when the loss reminds me again
I am here, life is fear & sorrow's all I know

Am I in dept cause so it seems
But what I owe, I don't know
Devoured by guilt & cursed beyond control

My every morning is in every way
The beginning of a recreation day



Nightwish – Slaying the Dreamer

I'm a priest for the poorest sacrifice
I'm but a raft in a sea of sorrow and greed
You bathed in my wine
Drank from my cup, mocked my rhyme
Your slit tongues licked my aching wounds

Put a stake through my heart!
And drag me into sunlight
So awake for your greed
As you're slaying the dreamer

Swansong for the Wish of Night
God it hurts, give a name to the pain
Our primrose path to hell is growing weed

Blame me, it's me
Coward, a good-for-nothing scapegoat
Dumb kid, living a dream
Romantic only on paper

Tell me why you took all that was mine!
Stay as you lay - don't lead me astray!

Wake up, mow the weed
You'd be nothing without me
Take my life if you have the heart to die

You bastards tainted my tool
Raped my words, played me a fool
Gather your precious glitter and leave me be
The Great Ones are all dead
And I'm tired, too

I truly hate you all!



Pink Floyd – High Hopes

Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
In a world of magnets and miracles
Our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary
The ringing of the division bell had begun

Along the Long Road and on down the Causeway
Do they still meet there by the Cut

There was a ragged band that followed in our footsteps
Running before times took our dreams away
Leaving the myriad small creatures trying to tie us to the ground
To a life consumed by slow decay

The grass was greener - The light was brighter
When friends surrounded - The nights of wonder

Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind us
To a glimpse of how green it was on the other side
Steps taken forwards but sleepwalking back again
Dragged by the force of some inner tide

At a higher altitude with flag unfurled
We reached the dizzy heights of that dreamed of world

Encumbered forever by desire and ambition
There's a hunger still unsatisfied
Our weary eyes still stray to the horizon
Though down this road we've been so many times

The grass was greener - The light was brighter
The taste was sweeter - The nights of wonder
With friends surrounded - The dawn mist glowing
The water flowing - The endless river

Forever and ever